i still had lots of time before my first class starts. i have no more load and the only place i know is the library. and of course friends of mine are staying there studying for accounting (i failed the very first quiz today). i had to go somewhere not to crowded and closed. i am suffocating there. but in my kingdom. the air is fresh and the ambiance is very friendly for the morning.
it was weird. i didn't sing a song in my kingdom. not a single song. it was a miracle. i just drank my morning coffee. i wanted to see 'dream' buit i saw him when i was on my way to class. just after i put my bag in san's car. we went straight to class because we don't want to be late. ah crap! i don't want to attend class but i have to! i need to bring myself in place. get my scores up high.
the day - tiring! the 2-hour break wasn't enough for watching "My Sassy Girl". We didn't even get to the good part. But we had to leave. it was our accounting test. and we didn't want to be late as always. so as always, i didn't get anything right. i didn't even know if i scored anything from the identification part. it was horrible. i can't even understand how the journalizing goes. pathetic! i shouldn't have cut classes. buit even if i did attend the class. i would be so drunk, i wouldnt understand anything too.
Whacked! i went to glorietta. i hitched in san's ride and i went all the way to glorietta to eat then go home. i just wanted to go somewhere. i wanted to see some friend of mine, but unfortunately, that some friend doesn't want to see me. it's hard. when all of a sudden, you lost contact of a very close friend. you would miss him/ her so much. just a single day without talkin' or chattin' with the person - would kill you. its like a whole year, whatsoever time, that you have been apart. what more if you're not just friends. it would be very hard to lovers to be apart even for a second. i wonder?
i was just thinking... what if something happens to me... whatb if i die tonight. i didn't have the chance to say i love you to the one i love (i haven't found you!), to the people i love, family and friends. who will cry? who would lock themselves up in their rooms and mourn. what would people do? will the "cry" indicate friendship? i wish that those people i consider as friends would cry just a little teardrop. i don't intend to be the cause of pain. but i just want to know... who are my friends? who are my true friends?
i once wrote:
friends are there when i have money
friends are there when i am happy
but now i'm broke, i can't see their faces
now i'm lonely, i ask, "Why are my friends hiding from me?"
is it just my wealth you're after?
are you just a friend for laughter?
can i count on you to be here beside me?
will you be a friend for eternity?
i was just a kid when i wrote this. but i feel that some friendsa re not really friends. i know who... i just want to see... but if i'm wrong, i'm so sorry. it's just how you show this it to me.
crazy days give me crazy ideas. crazy, ain't it? i just wonder. am i crazy?
"to be or not to be. that is the question."