Friday, June 30, 2006

when the cat is left alone, her friends come out and play

my mum and dad are out of the country right this very minute. my dad is in the states having a vacation and my mum went to japan this morning. i am left with my brothers and my lola. that wouldn't be a problem at all.


tonight we're gonna party all night long. this post will be a pre-post for all the people out there to know that i'm gonna have fun tonight. i'm gonna make the most out of this week so i could survive the rest of the two months.





The perfect combo to make a perfect party! to chill and have fun all night long.

earlier i went to the grocery and this is what i bought.


Wednesday, June 28, 2006

LTO is not that bad

i can't believe im back in the LTO fixing my license for the second day. i don't know if its the priveledge of getting my license already or the people i get to meet. yes. you can meet people inside the LTO. and they're not just people but they're cute as well.

it started yesterday when right after school i planned to go to makati to let some people fix me up with my license. of course i don't want to get into those lines and wait for hours so that they could get atleast 5 pictures and signatures. i should've asked them to pay my talent fee.

there was no issuance of new license in makati. so we tried going to mandaluyong coz we know some people there. when we got there unfortch, there is no more LTO there. so we end up going to tayuman which is very near my house. i got my drug test, the aid told me to pee in the bottle but i couldn't for like 10 minutes inside the small cubicle. and it was kinda gross coz i have my period. well lets not go into details. so when i got there, we got ourselves a fixer, the one who always runs our papers in the LTO. so i thought it would only take an hour or so.

but i was wrong. so wrong. it took me two. not two hours but two days. yes. the most efficient system of the LTO can process your papers for two days. for P1000, the wait is worth it.

so i got there, there was this other guy they were trying to fix. so i just sat there waited for my name to be called and just texted everyone i know so i wont get bored. after 30 minutes, i couldn't help myself, i talked to the other guy beside me coz he was kinda cute and looks kinda mabait. i know.... its called flirting.

we got to talk for four hours straight and we just talked, talked, talked, and talked. i mean we just didn't stop. we were exchanging stories of whatever comes up. stories about everything. families, friends and whatever. he always asks and i answer then i ask back but he answers with patawa and asks me another question that i will just answer again without thinking that he wasn't really talking that much. of course i got to talk and i don't really mind. but i got some info on him too. he's a taekwondo something, lives in novaliches kingspoint subdivision, from batangas and studying in PCU(just in the same place as my school - TAFT).

until the person called us, told us that we have to go again tomorrow for our exams. FUCKER!!!! i really hate LTO for that. but then again, it was worth it.

so we said our goodbyes when my mum called. they were outside already picking me up. i totally forgot to ask for his number so i could message him when i get back today. i was so me. i never get the numbers of people. they usually ask for mine. yabang!!! haha

when i woke up the next day, i thought of my plan for the day. time im going to the LTO, how and the little details. it was so obvious i really wanted to go. i told my mum i would just go straight from school. i'll just ride the LRT. haha i was so excited!

my driver texted me and told me to go home first, we have it was so sad coz i could have gone earlier. but then something would have happened instead. so i was all good.

we got there and we were looking for the fixer again and found the guy with marvin. that's the name of the guy i was talking to the entire time. it was so clear that if i didn't talk to this guy, i would have a frown on my license right now. he was there and he was wearing red(like he told me yesterday) funny!

he was finished with his exam already and he was suppose to wait for me but some guy pushed him to the exam room. he showed me the way to the exam room and told me what i have to do. i finished the test in 30 minutes because it was kinda easy. but i was confused with the street lines. broken yellow lines and the like. i didn't read that part of the reviewer. but i wasn't really scared about it coz everything else is common sense. so when i went down, i was waiting for the result, marvin was there saving me a seat. (ehem!) so talked again and stopped when our names would be called and go back to the topic we were discussing before it was INTERRUPTED by the LTO guys.

he got his license an hour earlier than i did. he was so hungry that he invited me to lunch. in Jollibee. nothing really special just an ordinary lunch with a new friend of mine. but then again, do i consider it as a date? he paid for the i ate.

so when we were there he asked what i wanted and i didn't hesitate to order but i was really not hungry so i just ordered a spaghetti meal. and he was asking me if that would be all. maybe because i was fat that's why he was doubting me if im in a sort of diet or something. but i really can't eat much. when he got back, he bought me the spaghetti with iced tea and french fries and pizza meatpie. i was so full! i couldn't eat anymore but he was forcing me to eat. he didn't want me to feel that im abusing him or something. which i wasn't really.

so when i was heading back, he told me that he's coming with me to wait until i get my license. i was so thankful he helped a lot for two days now.

i finally got my license.

if only he could read my blog right now, he would be able to see my license. when i got it i didn't let him see anything. even my picture. he was eager to look at it and i was just convinced i wont let him. wahahaha. i made him a deal instead. i would let him see my license if i would bump into him again. so he said he was going to visit me at home.

when we were going home, YES! he accompanied me until i got home. inside our gate. hay!!! LIFE! i wouldn't even think that that would happen to me in the LTO. but you will never really know what to expect. coz i didn't until now.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

happy birthday!

its my mum's birthday. she turns 49 today.

my dad asked me to buy roses and he said

"200 pieces ha. or 100 na lang. baka kulang basta punuin mo ng red and white roses yung bahay"

Friday, June 16, 2006

4 down 10 to go!

it has been one month of attending class. i've been feeling the pressure in me. i can't help but feel that i'm missing the nicotine that i've left five months marked today. i can't believe that i have survived five months without it. it has been my friend for the long time. the friend i could rely when i don't have someone. the friend i have been with along the ups and downs of my life.

i'll give myself the benefit of the doubt, butim guessing that one of these days, i would go back to my old habits. it is true they say that old habit die young and i believe those people when they say this. and now that i have proven i have control over myself, i wouldn't have the problem if i start to smoke again.

i have control. i think!

for the past four months in school, i have learned how to eat to people i don't know that much. and to approach a lot of people. i know its going to be the term i would always get exhausted buti would learn alot duringmy last year here.

i am starting to learn how to balance my time and mingle more with people. iknow that im creating more friends because the contacts in my phone are still increasing and 250 slots in my SIM card is not enough.

i just want to add that i have a new phone. my dad gave it to me last night. as usual, because we had an argument, he iskinda bribing me not to get angry. to let me feel that he is just doing those things formy own hard feelings.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

addicted to L

"the way that we live....

i can't stop thinking about yoda!

over the past few days, i got hooked with the most interesting tv series i have watched. i can't help but picture it everywhere. on my way to school i keep bumping into lesbians that made me think of the program again.

did i mention that the program is a story about lesbians? yes. its a story of lesbians friends in west hollywood and how they go on with life dealing with problems they are faced with. they try to figure out what they want in life most and balanced these things with their career.

don't get so confused okay. i got addicted to L because of the story. L does not represent only lesbian. it also means life, love, lust, luscious, i want to say crisp-ey but the word doesn't start with the letter L. any word that you can think of that starts with the letter L is the meaning of L.

i got so obsessed that i watched the 2 seasons for two days and haven't slept since then. it kept me thinking about life and what i want and need. not that im a lesbian but because the problems they encounter are problems of any normal person. its just that its more complicated with them because the relationship is with the same sex.

when i finished the whole program. the only thing in my head were they funny scenes and the intimate sex scenes in it. so when i was saying that when i kept bumping into lesbians on my way to school, my mind just goes wild and wonders if these people do what the actors do in the show. do they have the same situation to those characters in the show. are they really out or are they just that?

i can't seem to figure it because of course i cannot relate to them.

i was just saying to my cousin last night how i was dreaming of the episodes. it was funny, passionate and true. i'm just afraid that i would end up dreaming about it but i would the character in the show already. EWE!

but what if. i would never know. what if i have the tendency to be gay? i would never really know. the characters in the show were telling their 'coming out' story thats when they finally knew what they're real identity is. there are many whatifs in this world and you will never know the answer until you experience it yourself. feelings are hard to explain. you may have the picture in your head but the fact that you haven't experienced it you can't say that you're not that type of person.

all im say it that there is a little gay person in us. he or she may either grow in us or leave us eventually. hypothetically, if im correct everyone has a chance of being gay in the future. im just saying.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

the long weekend

last friday, i almost got robbed when i was on my way home. i was wondering if i decided to stay or do something different, would someone else take the place i had and would exactly have the exact experience that i had.

i was a blogk away from our house. i was sitting at the end of the jeepney when two guys jumped up the jeep and one guy was smiling at me. i got kinda scared so i hugged my bag so tight and removed it away from him. this guy started saying something and laughing and was about to reach for the necklace that i was wearing. i didn't know if its the driver to thank that he saw the guys and stepped on gas or to thank god because the guy had short hair. he wasn;t able to reach for it and thank god he didn't.

i was thinking about how lucky i was. i was so shocked that i said "para po. sa kanto na lang." there was traffic and i had the time not to run going down the jeep. i didn't. i was almost running because i didn't want those guys to see me go down and follow me to my place. i was so shocked still and my heart was beating fast that i was so stiff clutching my bag around me and was just looking back the whole time.

it was horrifying. as i got home, i started getting back to my senses that i got to think how it was good that he hadn't targeterd my bag. it would suck if he had gotten it. it had my ipod, wallet with P2500 and id and other credit cards in it, and the notebook i have.


the only thing i did was go to the house of my cousin and tried to finish the arrangement of our songs and started making new ones. the whole day until fifi needed to go the dentist that afternoon.

i borrowed this DVD that they told me was interesting. i got curious that i started watching it when she left. i was at first shocked by the scenes i saw. but after a while tolerance got higher and everything was okay.


its all about lesbians, love, lust and all L words that can be formed. it was interesting that that night i finished one whole season without even sleeping. i was funny coz i didn't realize i finished it when there were no more cds to pop in the player.

i got so into it that the next day, i borrowed the next season and finished it the morning before i went to school.i can't really remember the days coz im really getting confused of the events and i almost did the same things.

and now i hadn't slept for two days because i got so addicted to the program. i can't wait to see the nextg thing. funny coz im really attracted to shane. she is so cute. she is super kind and uber good friend. i want someone like that. its very hard to find someone like that. but she's a girl. am i a lesbian? NOT!

so i got my dentist appointment yesterday and the funny thing. i was asked when was the last time i went to the dentist. so i was estimating it to 2 years. and it i thought she was gonna get mad but she was really impressed. i didn't have any cavities in my teeth and i only needed cleaning which is normal. but she was saying that with the time i didn't go the dentist, that i should have had more dirt in my teeth.

two thumbs up for me!

independence day came. i didn't really feel anything independent. of course my situation wouldn't let me. i am bound to follow whatever my parents tell me and is prohibited to do whatever i want to.

the long weekend wasnt that long. it was normal. i didn't get much sleep and i didn't really do anything productive except record some song and finished two whole season of the L word.

its the bomb!

i root for shane.


Friday, June 09, 2006

i haven't really gotten to finish the story

so after the long argument. with no arguments really happening. he gets me to write a contract/letter/promissory note or whatever you would want to call it of things i should do and should not do until i graduate from college. and it goes a little something like this

MAY 22, 2006



katrina pastor

so i signed it like going into a contract with a client or something and it is now hanged to their wall and awaits to be framed and hanged in my room. i know its a little dramatic but my dad just had a little attack. no biggie. but i really felt so sad that he just can't trust me anymore. he was asking lots of questions that i couldn't answer but when he asks me stuff that are technical, i would answer him in a very detailed manner and after a long explanation, he would tell my mum that he doesn't believe a word i said and wants my mum to clarify all of it by going with me to school and asking whoever about why in my assessment form its not indicated that i'm graduating and why there is a surcharge when they could have allowed me to pay earlier. i was all complicated and interconnected. i think when i was talking he was hearing what im saying but not really listening to every word that comes in my mouth.

he thinks im a liar.

can you believe it? i've been honest enough to tell him that i have failed a class and because i failed the exam. and after telling him, he tells me he doesn't believe a word i say. how ridiculous? when can i ever tell him something that he would just believe me?

i use to think that i could get closer to him and would tell him everything. try to catch up with life. it sounds so not me but i guess i really wanted to change. i wanted to tell him that i'm having a hard time in college and he should that its normal for this kind of feeling and event to happen.

as i said im not proud but i just want to make a point that its normal for a college student to fail a class. and im going to say it again. i am not proud

so every night even if im not that tired i would go to bed at 1030pm and would pretend that i'm sleeping when im not and just lie there thinking about all this. i can't really get it out of my head coz every night i would have to do my obligations.

but the thing that's bothering me most. is that after that day, we were okay and he bought stuff already like nothing has happened. everything that he is making me do is actually beneficial but can't do it everynight during this term that i'm graduating and assessing practicum and trying to pass the goddamn term to finish and graduate this october of 2006.

that night i was talking to my bestfriend, zaza. she was telling that i could survive the term. i always do. i was just unlucky last term and little slacking at some point but she knows me too well that this will all come together and i don't have to be angry or upset with my dad. issues have risen back and i was telling zaza over the net that i've been feeling bad again about it. she was saying i should confront people about it and just find some answers to my questions.

funny coz i was chatting with my cousin about it and to zaza and i was crying. my eyes were just like the faucet just turned on and flowing with every drop of tear my body can produce. i was so depressed that even the next day, my eyes were just swollen. my friends noticed how tired my eyes were and was consoling me when i was like cheering them up. until the next day my eyes were still swollen coz thats the night when i was talking to my cousins and just pouring out there.

i dont want to do it again. but everytime i think about what happened it keeps me down. things pop in my head that i don' really want to think about. my heart just literally beats faster normal and i would feel tears bursting to come out of my eyes and i would stop it.

i want to stop it. i can't do it on my own but i have to. anyone can listen to my bullshit but im the only person who can help myself to carryon and i hate it.

Almost over but still have to cross the finish line

a few days and term is finally over... but it is still a few days. 3 months ago, my brother made sure i will be enrolled this term. he mad...