Friday, October 29, 2004

i failed the accouting test

i just hate it. i failed the accounting test.

i didn't sleep because i was studying for two tests i will be taking yesterday. i popped extra joss and red bull so that i would be awake but it wasnt really helpful. i just wished i just slacked off so i wont be feeling bad that i studied kinda hard for the test. the ENVSCAN test was okay. it was just a modified true or false type of test. the take home quiz is okay and quiet easy.

i even cut my MARKETI class so i could study for the test. it is just sad that i was so proud i could understand the test easily and i just placed 4 asterisk in the letters. and after all that i still failoed. i checked while i was in the LRT - 52 points. no point of checking it again because it is a sure fail. i was so pissed because their was still time to spare. iw as the first to stand up in the class because i want to catch the last train. and i have exactly 45 minutes in the alarm.

i was really pissed that i called my friend while in the LRT and ranted everything to him. i was almost crying coz i really wanted to pass. i wasn't aiming for a high grade but if given the opportunity, okay! but just to pass. but unfortunately its 18 more points before i "break even".

when the teacher told us that she will be giving the person who gets a perfect score in the exam a 4.0 in the final grade. and i was kinda hoping at first but when i started guessing i know that i will just pass it. but i didn't realize that i will be failing. i didn't expect that i would getting a 52... FIFTY TWO! not even close to the passing grade. NOT EVEN. x-(

officially missing you

right now. after all that's been happening. even if i was always irritated by him. im finally saying i miss him so much. now that i haven't been seeing him for a quite a while, i can say that my days are incomplete without seeing him or even annoying him. at times i want to hide from him because he will be getting my stuff and using it without even asking. i mean eat my food or get money from me. feeling that i am treating him.

our friends are there but he isn't. i can still feel his presence whenever i go to starbucks but without him here beside me, the memories of you are just coming back to me. i just cant help but cry at times. but i have to stop thinking about you becasue it will just be a waste of time because i know you're not thinking of me. maybe you're just saying that but when we are not talking you won't even remember me as a friend.

i dont get why i always have you in my mind. i have you in my heart and even when i sleep, in my dreams. everywhere i go, places we've been, parties we've crashed, bars we've trashed, and even the streets we've just passed by. i remember us. together.

but there will never be a future. i dont want it to ever happen. i think if it happens again, i will only get hurt. it's hard to even trust a person like you again. i trust you like a friend you have always been to me but i don't think i can ever give my whole heart. all our friends are always slapping me whenever they see i'm still sad. and they know that it is because of you. they say i'm so stupid to even think of the mere existence of you. that even if you have hurt me a million times, i am still loving you as a person you have been when i first met you.

it's as if last year was yesterday. it has been forever but the pain is still there. it's as if you were here a moment ago but now you're gone. we can't do anything about it. you told me you are going back. but please dont make me wait. i think i would be waiting if you say so. how about the life must go on. live the most out of it. enjoy life while you still can.

without you how will i enjoy or even live the most out of it, if there is a hole inside me. when you're not around, i feel a hollow portion within me. and that part of me is always aching. and i dont know what to do with it anymore. no medication helped. i even went to the doctor to check if it is only a bad body ache. but he told me it wasn't.

they all say so. and they all tell me to forget and move one. and the ache will go away sometime if do what they say. all the experts / professionals say so. but are there really specialists for this type of illness or sickness.

there is no maybe. it's you. it has always been and it will always be you.

can you help me figure it out?

can you even mend the pain?

if the wound is gone will the hole leave a scar? or

will it never end?

i'm officially missing you *****!

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

its all a blurrrrrrrrr

everything happened so fast.

october 16, 2004

happy birthday yot!!! it was yot's birthday. debut niya and iw as really excited and nervous din coz i haven't practiced that much for my performance. iw as really hoping i could go also to mikko's party but i can't ditch yot... kasi love ko tong person na to. pero people are expecting me to be there so i told forced my mum to let me go...

both party was awesome...

yot's party:
it happened in Patio Vitoria in Intramuros... i came there late and i thought i was but the party hasn't started. thank god i really wanted to see yot dance. so i got there unprepared and wasted as hell. haven't fixed myself. a total wreck!

got there and just enjoyed myself. a lot of iv-5 people were there and i was really shocked that one of my barkada was there and it has been a while since i last saw her.

we did some dancing, singing, shouting(ako lang pala). drinking and just having the time of my life... until i can't remember what happened. i sat down taking pictures in my phone. so i could remember that special night by...

mikko's party:
i got there all dressed up from the first party. DRUNK!!!! people are telling me stories of what i've been doing. i only passed by to say hello and goodbye to everybody coz my mum and bro was waiting for me outside.

i can't remember the party but i know i wanted to have a good time...

i did the problem was the memories of the second party was all a blurrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

a lot of people i dont know saw me drunk and a lot of them helped me out. as in kakahiya i dont even know therm i went there just to make a scandalous scene. hindi ko naman intention to be like that i just couldn't help myself pero i really want to thank all the people who were helping me. and those who laughed at me... kwentuhan niyo naman ako ng mga happenings coz i can't remember a thing about it.

i woke up the next day... walang hangover... asteeg i went to jogging as always. thank gopd someone gave me coffee to drink and according to people it was mikko's sister-in-law. ang bait niya. patch ata yung name niya well i couldn't remember talga... but my mum didn't even notice that i was drunk. isn't it funny iw as talking the whole time na sobrang wala na tlgang voice coming out of my mouth.

next time i'll let them take a video so i could see what i have been doing...

next time... later ulit... sino naman ang kasama ko...???


so that nothing will be blurrrr


Monday, October 11, 2004


i was with kaycee the whole time and it was really fun. hehehe i feel like i can't get over the concert. the whole time i was talking to people i just can't help but slip little statements about the concert. it was the best ever. it was i think better than alanis'. but i love them both... next concert is NO DOUBT!

i'll be seeing you again alicia. maybe in new york or back here in manila

and jeremiah jamae... i love him. i love yoU!

Sunday, October 10, 2004

a keys concert!

the concert was a blast. i never thought my dad would let me go. iw as dressed up and all for the concert and i was really hoping on seeing her up close... i was so excited. i have never been this excited since alanis' concert 1999.

the whole week i was so nervous because of the concert. i didn't want to spoil anything so i was really behaving myself but unfortuantely somthing went wrong. i forgot to text my mum that i would be going home late. i was really pissed off coz it was tuesday night that everything just went down with me. i couldn't stand up. i was so frustrated in school and especially at home. i couldn't do anything but just go with the flow of the day.

the days went by and nothing seemed right anymore.

but saturday was just my day. i was kinda feeling that i would be going but i wasn't sure if it would be a legal gimik.

we got there... a little late for the front act but just in time fos us to get comfortable.

AK! you rock!

im gonna rock wit you!

Almost over but still have to cross the finish line

a few days and term is finally over... but it is still a few days. 3 months ago, my brother made sure i will be enrolled this term. he mad...