Friday, October 29, 2004

officially missing you

right now. after all that's been happening. even if i was always irritated by him. im finally saying i miss him so much. now that i haven't been seeing him for a quite a while, i can say that my days are incomplete without seeing him or even annoying him. at times i want to hide from him because he will be getting my stuff and using it without even asking. i mean eat my food or get money from me. feeling that i am treating him.

our friends are there but he isn't. i can still feel his presence whenever i go to starbucks but without him here beside me, the memories of you are just coming back to me. i just cant help but cry at times. but i have to stop thinking about you becasue it will just be a waste of time because i know you're not thinking of me. maybe you're just saying that but when we are not talking you won't even remember me as a friend.

i dont get why i always have you in my mind. i have you in my heart and even when i sleep, in my dreams. everywhere i go, places we've been, parties we've crashed, bars we've trashed, and even the streets we've just passed by. i remember us. together.

but there will never be a future. i dont want it to ever happen. i think if it happens again, i will only get hurt. it's hard to even trust a person like you again. i trust you like a friend you have always been to me but i don't think i can ever give my whole heart. all our friends are always slapping me whenever they see i'm still sad. and they know that it is because of you. they say i'm so stupid to even think of the mere existence of you. that even if you have hurt me a million times, i am still loving you as a person you have been when i first met you.

it's as if last year was yesterday. it has been forever but the pain is still there. it's as if you were here a moment ago but now you're gone. we can't do anything about it. you told me you are going back. but please dont make me wait. i think i would be waiting if you say so. how about the life must go on. live the most out of it. enjoy life while you still can.

without you how will i enjoy or even live the most out of it, if there is a hole inside me. when you're not around, i feel a hollow portion within me. and that part of me is always aching. and i dont know what to do with it anymore. no medication helped. i even went to the doctor to check if it is only a bad body ache. but he told me it wasn't.

they all say so. and they all tell me to forget and move one. and the ache will go away sometime if do what they say. all the experts / professionals say so. but are there really specialists for this type of illness or sickness.

there is no maybe. it's you. it has always been and it will always be you.

can you help me figure it out?

can you even mend the pain?

if the wound is gone will the hole leave a scar? or

will it never end?

i'm officially missing you *****!

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