my share of life

school has been the only thing that has been keeping me busy and its the only thing that i've been doing. if you can't find nowadays, the library is the place to be. and you would see me there burning my ass off...

something new right? its the time of the term that all of us are working hard... and this term i had my part of college life. i started majoring this term and i realized how hard it is to be sitting pretty at home when all of your mates are working their ass off.

now i'm feeling what they're feeling when i do the same. i see my friends do nothing and a few of us are the only ones doing the work.

i'm here in speedbytes (computer shop). for two weeks, my classes are upto 11am only and then i'm free. and today im just hangout before going home. i don't want to go out coz they're playing the CD of Alicia Keys. and they're right now playing Heartburn. and i dont care if people are looking at me. i feel like singing... i miss her so much.

when i'm doing stuff that really hurts my head, i just think of that night my cousin and i watched the concert and it has been the best night ever.. i want to remember how it was.

but i have to be researching right now. but i can't concentrate. it's the song. i feel like floating in the air.

and i guess i dont have more to say... if i ain't got you with me baby!!!!

im sooooo freakin' pissed!!!

it started when my first class was thru. i went to agno, the usual that i would be meeting kaycee. but it was shit coz when i got there kaycee was about to go. felt really shitty. i just can't seem to tell why. i was staying there for one whole hour and i see her again passing by with her NFF (new flag friends). but whatever coz i was with yot na.

yot and i was there and we were talking about anything lang. not just anything. the first thing that pops into our minds.. literally we weren't even talking sense. AT ALL. the whole conversation was (blah). and we were already laughing at each other. both of us are just plain weird.

i went to mcdo coz jeanette and other people were there. and i was just waiting for the group meeting for our project. i was getting pissed coz its been two hours and they can't make up their minds if we are going to have a meeting or not. so i forced to just stay in school and study inside the library. and in the end, only four of us was there to attend the meeting coz we can't everybody. and it was just to meet up and go to the supermarket and buy some stuff for the product.

i was really pissed. we should've finished this last week. if they could've listened to me when i was saying to them that a calamansi sanitizer is not a feasible product. but NOOOOO! they still wanted to go their way. they didn't look at the long term situation. and just now they acme to realize what we ahve been telling them. they should've listened to us in the first place. now that there are lots of stuff to do, we can't even make our palns straight.

the only thing that is making me happy right now is thank god i have jeanette in my group or else i would leaving the group and pursue a sole proprietor project.

she was telling yesterday that i should look at the bright side. we were already in the right track. at least now they would be listening to us. but still i feel the hassle side. we all want to do want each one wants and there is no cooperation. we don't even alot a time to meet coz we are busy doing something else. i just hate it. how will we survive the next 5 terms of our lives.

i have to control myself. i just i have to... coz IM SOOOOOOOOOO FREAKIN" PISSED!!!!

im having my BF...

you know what that is

a BITCH FIT!!!

there is still hope

its back to school from a one day holiday. damn it! lasalle is just shittin' us all. after the dreadful midterms week, we are back again. seeing what our hard's work have paid us. and it did... i passed naman pala accouting to my shock, i got a 2.0 midterm grade for the class.

coming back to school is just tiring. lots to be passed and to be accomplished. i just promised myself one thing. that i'm not going to cut classes from now on. i have to be focusing more on my studies (i have heard this before... ah... from me). even if it's a hard thing to do, i would be sacrificing. i have to maintain a grade point average of 2.0 for the next two years of my life in DLSU. we all can't do anything about it.

but there will always be my long breaks. i would really try my best to stay inside school and study for my classes. make the most out of the time we have left.

i can say that there is still hope for us all. especially for me. my type of person. the BUM!

just for me to bring out the best inside...

i failed the accouting test

i just hate it. i failed the accounting test.

i didn't sleep because i was studying for two tests i will be taking yesterday. i popped extra joss and red bull so that i would be awake but it wasnt really helpful. i just wished i just slacked off so i wont be feeling bad that i studied kinda hard for the test. the ENVSCAN test was okay. it was just a modified true or false type of test. the take home quiz is okay and quiet easy.

i even cut my MARKETI class so i could study for the test. it is just sad that i was so proud i could understand the test easily and i just placed 4 asterisk in the letters. and after all that i still failoed. i checked while i was in the LRT - 52 points. no point of checking it again because it is a sure fail. i was so pissed because their was still time to spare. iw as the first to stand up in the class because i want to catch the last train. and i have exactly 45 minutes in the alarm.

i was really pissed that i called my friend while in the LRT and ranted everything to him. i was almost crying coz i really wanted to pass. i wasn't aiming for a high grade but if given the opportunity, okay! but just to pass. but unfortunately its 18 more points before i "break even".

when the teacher told us that she will be giving the person who gets a perfect score in the exam a 4.0 in the final grade. and i was kinda hoping at first but when i started guessing i know that i will just pass it. but i didn't realize that i will be failing. i didn't expect that i would getting a 52... FIFTY TWO! not even close to the passing grade. NOT EVEN. x-(

officially missing you

right now. after all that's been happening. even if i was always irritated by him. im finally saying i miss him so much. now that i haven't been seeing him for a quite a while, i can say that my days are incomplete without seeing him or even annoying him. at times i want to hide from him because he will be getting my stuff and using it without even asking. i mean eat my food or get money from me. feeling that i am treating him.

our friends are there but he isn't. i can still feel his presence whenever i go to starbucks but without him here beside me, the memories of you are just coming back to me. i just cant help but cry at times. but i have to stop thinking about you becasue it will just be a waste of time because i know you're not thinking of me. maybe you're just saying that but when we are not talking you won't even remember me as a friend.

i dont get why i always have you in my mind. i have you in my heart and even when i sleep, in my dreams. everywhere i go, places we've been, parties we've crashed, bars we've trashed, and even the streets we've just passed by. i remember us. together.

but there will never be a future. i dont want it to ever happen. i think if it happens again, i will only get hurt. it's hard to even trust a person like you again. i trust you like a friend you have always been to me but i don't think i can ever give my whole heart. all our friends are always slapping me whenever they see i'm still sad. and they know that it is because of you. they say i'm so stupid to even think of the mere existence of you. that even if you have hurt me a million times, i am still loving you as a person you have been when i first met you.

it's as if last year was yesterday. it has been forever but the pain is still there. it's as if you were here a moment ago but now you're gone. we can't do anything about it. you told me you are going back. but please dont make me wait. i think i would be waiting if you say so. how about the life must go on. live the most out of it. enjoy life while you still can.

without you how will i enjoy or even live the most out of it, if there is a hole inside me. when you're not around, i feel a hollow portion within me. and that part of me is always aching. and i dont know what to do with it anymore. no medication helped. i even went to the doctor to check if it is only a bad body ache. but he told me it wasn't.

they all say so. and they all tell me to forget and move one. and the ache will go away sometime if do what they say. all the experts / professionals say so. but are there really specialists for this type of illness or sickness.

there is no maybe. it's you. it has always been and it will always be you.

can you help me figure it out?

can you even mend the pain?

if the wound is gone will the hole leave a scar? or

will it never end?

i'm officially missing you *****!

its all a blurrrrrrrrr

everything happened so fast.

october 16, 2004

happy birthday yot!!! it was yot's birthday. debut niya and iw as really excited and nervous din coz i haven't practiced that much for my performance. iw as really hoping i could go also to mikko's party but i can't ditch yot... kasi love ko tong person na to. pero people are expecting me to be there so i told forced my mum to let me go...

both party was awesome...

yot's party:
it happened in Patio Vitoria in Intramuros... i came there late and i thought i was but the party hasn't started. thank god i really wanted to see yot dance. so i got there unprepared and wasted as hell. haven't fixed myself. a total wreck!

got there and just enjoyed myself. a lot of iv-5 people were there and i was really shocked that one of my barkada was there and it has been a while since i last saw her.

we did some dancing, singing, shouting(ako lang pala). drinking and just having the time of my life... until i can't remember what happened. i sat down taking pictures in my phone. so i could remember that special night by...

mikko's party:
i got there all dressed up from the first party. DRUNK!!!! people are telling me stories of what i've been doing. i only passed by to say hello and goodbye to everybody coz my mum and bro was waiting for me outside.

i can't remember the party but i know i wanted to have a good time...

i did the problem was the memories of the second party was all a blurrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

a lot of people i dont know saw me drunk and a lot of them helped me out. as in kakahiya i dont even know therm i went there just to make a scandalous scene. hindi ko naman intention to be like that i just couldn't help myself pero i really want to thank all the people who were helping me. and those who laughed at me... kwentuhan niyo naman ako ng mga happenings coz i can't remember a thing about it.

i woke up the next day... walang hangover... asteeg i went to jogging as always. thank gopd someone gave me coffee to drink and according to people it was mikko's sister-in-law. ang bait niya. patch ata yung name niya well i couldn't remember talga... but my mum didn't even notice that i was drunk. isn't it funny iw as talking the whole time na sobrang wala na tlgang voice coming out of my mouth.

next time i'll let them take a video so i could see what i have been doing...

next time... later ulit... sino naman ang kasama ko...???

hahahaha

so that nothing will be blurrrr

CUT BACK!!!!

10:20-8:45pm

i was with kaycee the whole time and it was really fun. hehehe i feel like i can't get over the concert. the whole time i was talking to people i just can't help but slip little statements about the concert. it was the best ever. it was i think better than alanis'. but i love them both... next concert is NO DOUBT!

i'll be seeing you again alicia. maybe in new york or back here in manila

and jeremiah jamae... i love him. i love yoU!

a keys concert!

the concert was a blast. i never thought my dad would let me go. iw as dressed up and all for the concert and i was really hoping on seeing her up close... i was so excited. i have never been this excited since alanis' concert 1999.

the whole week i was so nervous because of the concert. i didn't want to spoil anything so i was really behaving myself but unfortuantely somthing went wrong. i forgot to text my mum that i would be going home late. i was really pissed off coz it was tuesday night that everything just went down with me. i couldn't stand up. i was so frustrated in school and especially at home. i couldn't do anything but just go with the flow of the day.

the days went by and nothing seemed right anymore.

but saturday was just my day. i was kinda feeling that i would be going but i wasn't sure if it would be a legal gimik.

we got there... a little late for the front act but just in time fos us to get comfortable.

AK! you rock!

im gonna rock wit you!

break

actually my break started last august 25. fun times i could say. i've been in and out of the house and at times sneak out to meet up with my friends.

im back to my old habit. but not for long. i promised myself that when the next term starts, i would be really fousing on my studies. i have to get my grades higher than before so i wont have a problem in the end.

a whole lot of nights pigouts and drinking out and finally, i took my driving lessons.

movies and music just plain fun...

i enjoyed every minute of it.

boracay in the middle of the term

it was a week after my birthday. my mum told me she was going to boracay with my aunts, who just came from japan. well i was kinda excited coz when i asked her when she said september 6,7,8,9,10. and by that time i would be having my term break.

woohoo...

but then the trip unfortunately was this month.

i still got to go top boracay. people are asking me that wouldn't i not enjoy coz it's already raining. but still its boracay so whatever... im went...

i love the beach...

when i got there... i was kinda freaking out coz nobody was there to pick me up. i was kinda excited as well becauase im in caticlan already and a boat away to boracay.

some problem in the welcoming area but nothing to worry about. my mum as always got into a fight with the clerk or something. that day, it was very sunny. i loved it. i really didn't care that i was alone in the boat. i kept taking pictures from my phone in the boat.

we stayed in fairways and bluewaters. a very exclusive place for members only but because of the famous toti carino... thanks by the way! we got a free place... but the food wasn't free...

AMAZING! the place was just amazing. everyday i can see the sky so blue. the sun so bright and the weather - just GREAT! the lord wants me to have fun. i have been very busy in my studies that i dont have time for relaxing already. im always in school until night trying to finish a lot oif project papers.

this time im relaxed. nobody is to disturb me. im going to be having my sun bathing. hehehe there was this funny moment when i said im just going to be lying down the beach for like 5 minutes but unfortunately because i was so tired, i have fallen asleep. and my mum woke me up and that's when i really got dark.

the best part of the trip was the jetski. it was my first time to ride it AND BEST PART WAS DRIVING IT. i really wanted to try it and there was my chance.

tip: when riding the jetski wear a sunglass or something so that the splash of the water wont get into your eyes. it burns...

it was so fun. i went shopping for lots of accessories. i should have gotten my henna tattoo but i figured i wouldn't be appropriately looking when doing my class presentation in school. just not corporate and good looking.

so well don't be afraid of the sun. explore the beach even if it's raining. you'll love it.

so friends. next time i go there... i would be with you guys... let's play under the sun next summer...

my first free saturday

it's my first week from school. and it was okay... at first i was okay with my sched as it turns out i have one class which i dont know anyone.. at all! so i decided to adjust in another class of the same faculty. unfortunately, the section was closed.

i talked to the teacher and she let me go to the other class without even paying the late adjustment fee of P220. its kinda expensive so i was really hesitant in adjusting.

thank god the teacher was nice.

i adjusted to the class where my other friends are in. so i started to attend the class yesterday. i was suppose to take seat at the back but a guy told me that the seat next to him was vacant. so i moved my stuff there and waited for the class to start. because i already heard the lecture, i was able to answer the questions of the teacher.

i was the only one answerng the questions. its as if im the only who's there. oh well. so i try giving the answers to the chinese guy next to me.

at my last class i was talking to my friend.

"galit ako sayo! lagi mo kinakausap yung guy na katabi mo" i was really sure who the guy was. i just wanted someone to answer stuff for me. i wasn't really thinking. but when he told me who the guy was. iw as like... that's him. yeo's brother. okay he is not cute and besides i dont dig chinese guys. he is all yours.

so this guy was the my friends inspiration in learning in that class pala. they're all chinese so they kinda like his looks. but not me. so they were saying that yeo(UAAP guy)'s brother is in the class too. they were all like telling me in that drolling face and saying how cute he is.

the yeo's brother i know is the who looks like him in team b. but he is really not the guy. they're just look-a-likes.

basically, i really didn't care. it's just nice to have to know someone in class which is kinda hard.