blah blah blah... the usual rant

everyday that i wake up i would be turning my stereo on and do some stretches in my room.( so i'd be ready for my yoga). yes i do yoga now. its funny coz i found this old book in our house about yoga for the modern living. i started reading it but really just browsed it for about 30 minutes and realized i have to live a healthy life now. with the family background that we have, i would definitely end up sick when i get much older.

so for the first thirty minutes i would be concentrating with yoga. and after i would be playing the music really loud and dance my heart out till i get really tired then i will rest for few minutes then take a bath. this is so pretentious of me. but i actually just started this last monday.

doing everything that i do... i fell really relieved. i dont know if it is just me of it has been working already. but hey thats just me.

im quite tired of what has been happening. for months now, i stay at home and do nothing. i go out with my friends and just waste money. i kinda miss my job coz i get money from it. but i dont want to work. i have money now coz my dad gives me money but everytime he reaches for my hand, i would feel like a total brat. and i may be good at it.

so recently my whole family went to HongKong. The last time i was there i was really young and of course i was also with my family. its really nice to spend time with them coz you dont have to worry about anything. especially going over the budget. you have a credit card to use and they will give you permission. so shopping is so much fun. now that we are getting older, its much more exciting to travel. you get to remember everything coz you have tons of cameras to remind you of it and also you are old enough to understand everything. also they allow you to roam around by yourselves.

supposedly the whole family is set to travel to beijing. with my cousins fifi and chrissie plus our grandmother. unfortch, the chinese visa was late to be given out. my dad thought it would be a shame if we missed a long vacation without doing anything. so we did.

i want to travel. i want to see the world. i want to own my own company. i want to party. i want to relax. i want to be a chef.. i want to be a photohrapher. i want to be a professional make-up artist. i want everything. i want you!

it was postponed and postponed again. until nov 24, 2007. the trip with my mum and i. jsut the two of us. it really sucks coz the more the merrier. but everybody is busy already. not me and my mum.

i got the talk and got to think that maybe dreams do come true

lately i haven't been doing anything productive. since i quit (but when telling older people its resigned) from my previous job, i just got to watch more, sleep more and eat more that i did before. thats why i am fat! i admit it. i haven't been in my best shape. because all day i just sit around my ass and mind nothing at all. so it is safe to say that when i think, its a means of exercise for my body as well.

just the other day i was eating lunch with my dad and my mum. we got to talk about this cousin of mine, who is in a top position in HSBC. good pay, good everything. she has it all. of course my dad doesn't expect me to be just like her coz he knows how lazy i am and i'm not the type to be working in an office. pretty much i'm so stubborn i can't really work well with the authorities.

so we were talking about new cameras inside the house.. these are my lomo cameras!








and this is my new digital camera...












my mum asked me if i am going to take photography classes and i got to think about it. my dad told me to take it so i have proper knowledge and then take whatever course i like. coz as long as he cans till pay he is encouraging me to do it.

but studying again? i had to drop my second degree just to be done with that and now that i'm finally free from school, i'll be coming back. thats insane. just like the rain outside. fuck! i hope the flood at home wont be too bad. i'm here at my friends house hanging around coz i'm so bored at home.

i got to think. my plan of studying abroad. to get away and learn independence. or kahit work na lang muna whatever. but the thought of working makes my heart sick. i have studied entrepreneurship for three years in one of the finest schools in the country and i'm just going to be an employee of a company. i really don't mesh well with higher power. but if the pay is really good and its not that stressful i'll be thinking about it.

so that same day when my dad told me to take any course i like, i went online and applied for a short course in culinary. to those i know who heard me tell them that cooking is not really taught but it is practiced... i can't practice at home. well now i am eating my words... i need training and with proper teaching, i can be more of an expert. i can be called a chef?

it has always been my passion to satisfy people. even if i'm such snob. i still like the recognition that i have made someone smile. and with my cooking or anything i concoct inside the kitchen with basically everything inside it, my friends and relatives would surely love.

so i started thinking of possible options i have. and with the people i know and the resources i have i just hope that this would all happen the way i pictured it. it doesn't have to be as smooth but i hope dreams do come true

legal in all countries

today is officially the first day of a new year for me.

im officially 21 today and i don't feel a year older.

im out of job and im going to find something new for me. i love it. i dont know why. im back to being a bum but i don't feel like its a bad thing. it is actually good.

what can i really do when im legal in all countries? this is gonna be fun... i hope i find everything i need to my satisfaction!

ima ima ima

FLIRT!

i can't help it....

malaysia truly asia

i went to malysia.

the place was pretty awesome. i can't believe this is the only time i've been there. i love the food. the shopping and sale and everything. i miss it already. the only thing i dont miss is the smell of the people.

its because of the food. i was eating the same thing but i didnt smell. they just got used to it and wasnt aware it was smelling real bad. someone should tell them though.

i'll come back malaysia.. with more money

letting me go

he's letting me go. decision is with me now. to be or not to be... i can't really make up my mind. i don't like to be asked to decide. when ideas come to me, they just pop up in my head spontaneously. it doesn't work under pressure. lets just see if i do the right thing now.

im dirrrrrrrrrrrty

Another badass quiz from eSPIN-the-Bottle... Purity Test MY RESULT:Completely Contaminated You beast, you. Save yourself now before your mother has a nervous breakdown. On the eSPIN Purity Scale (patent pending), you score 1 Purity Point out of 6. (Honestly, we’d prefer to make it zero out of 6, but then we’d have to get the authorities involved, and you’d have to hire a lawyer, and, well...it’s more hassle than it’s worth.) Even though, on our scale, you’re pretty much the scum of the earth, there’s still a way for you to redeem yourself and purify your soul. How about an exorcism? Take This Quiz!

dayshift

working during the day is normal. but the early dayshift is a bit different. even if you don't see it. you feel the sun above you and you can't think much because you feel its too early for information to stay inside your head.

its super frustrating that even if you really understand what the trainor is saying you can't seem to grasp what it is all about.

its all a big lump in my throat. i can't seem to swallow and digest everything. i need some kind of drink to push it down my body.

HELP?

hours before the early shift

2 hours before i have to get up and take a shower.

3 hours before i have to leave for work.

4 hours before my early shift starts.

most of the time i get really excited, i would kid myself that i need to sleep early so i wouldn't be late for an engagement or plans i have. i end up thinking about it so much that i wouldn't be able to sleep and i would just stay up all night till i need to do that thing i was thinking about.

right now, its already 1am and i have to be up by 3 to prepare myself and food im gonna eat for work. and because im scared that i wont wake up, i just decide to myself i would not sleep. i actually can do a week without sleep. i just hope i can do it today. im posting this blog just to burn some hours off my surfing the net. coz if i finish doing the usual things, i would really get bored and i would definitely feel tired and would just sleep. i can't predict if the alarm clock of my phone would wake my exhaustion or i would need a hard tug and push to wake me up.

i can really do a week without sleep but if do sleep. i sleep like a baby. everyone can attest to this. i talk when i sleep. i dont feel a thing when im in deep sleep. sometimes though when i set my mind to waking up at a certain time, i would not need an alarm clock to wake me up. my body would just know the time. but sometimes because of a really good sleep, i would not hear the alarm clock even if it sounds for a whole 30 minutes. my ears wont just listen to any sound because my mind thinks i need more sleep.

being part of a family that likes to sleep, i would not be surprised. we all would just rest our heads on apillow and the body would do the trick. it is nap time. but there are times when even hours of lying bed wouldn't do. couting sheeps, drinking hot cocoa or milk, reading a boring book (which by the way i dont own a single boring book), watching tv, or listening to mellow music. all these just doesn't work for me.

earless

can you imagine life without ears? i can...

life would be very peaceful and less complicated. because you don't have ears to hear things and it would be a little cheaper for your expenses because you don't have to buy cotton buds because you dont have ears to clean.if you are fighting with someone, you won't be able to hear what he or she is saying.

you don't need to think about other people's businesses because you dont hear what they're saying. you won't hear any intrigues, gossips and rumors starting and be part of the problem because you dont have ears. sounds that make you sad would not be there because for you, there is really no sound at all.

hearing a lot is a big problem. sometimes you can't keep everything to yourself and things keep getting bigger and bigger that you can't handle it all with both hands. you just drop everything and breakdown. these are things you can't control. these are what they call the problems you can't run from.

facing it? it would be hard but it would be worth it if you do. you can't run to alcohol, drugs and sex just to forget. you have to face your fears and live your life.

alcohol would let you forget for a night.

drugs would give you more problems.

sex would give you pleasure and pain. but without much protection, you might get a lifetime problem after it.

without hearing, people will have to "listen" (look at other people signing) to other people intently. everyone would understand each other and everyone would live happily ever after. but not really. but you can see the difference when you look at a group full of people who can talk or chat with each other and a group of deaf-mutes.

its a life that we would never know.

before i forget!

a shout out to my new friend geek! you are a super duper mega friend! i owe you big time! love lots! *hugs&kisses*