legal in all countries

today is officially the first day of a new year for me.

im officially 21 today and i don't feel a year older.

im out of job and im going to find something new for me. i love it. i dont know why. im back to being a bum but i don't feel like its a bad thing. it is actually good.

what can i really do when im legal in all countries? this is gonna be fun... i hope i find everything i need to my satisfaction!

ima ima ima

FLIRT!

i can't help it....

malaysia truly asia

i went to malysia.

the place was pretty awesome. i can't believe this is the only time i've been there. i love the food. the shopping and sale and everything. i miss it already. the only thing i dont miss is the smell of the people.

its because of the food. i was eating the same thing but i didnt smell. they just got used to it and wasnt aware it was smelling real bad. someone should tell them though.

i'll come back malaysia.. with more money

letting me go

he's letting me go. decision is with me now. to be or not to be... i can't really make up my mind. i don't like to be asked to decide. when ideas come to me, they just pop up in my head spontaneously. it doesn't work under pressure. lets just see if i do the right thing now.

im dirrrrrrrrrrrty

Another badass quiz from eSPIN-the-Bottle... Purity Test MY RESULT:Completely Contaminated You beast, you. Save yourself now before your mother has a nervous breakdown. On the eSPIN Purity Scale (patent pending), you score 1 Purity Point out of 6. (Honestly, we’d prefer to make it zero out of 6, but then we’d have to get the authorities involved, and you’d have to hire a lawyer, and, well...it’s more hassle than it’s worth.) Even though, on our scale, you’re pretty much the scum of the earth, there’s still a way for you to redeem yourself and purify your soul. How about an exorcism? Take This Quiz!

dayshift

working during the day is normal. but the early dayshift is a bit different. even if you don't see it. you feel the sun above you and you can't think much because you feel its too early for information to stay inside your head.

its super frustrating that even if you really understand what the trainor is saying you can't seem to grasp what it is all about.

its all a big lump in my throat. i can't seem to swallow and digest everything. i need some kind of drink to push it down my body.

HELP?

hours before the early shift

2 hours before i have to get up and take a shower.

3 hours before i have to leave for work.

4 hours before my early shift starts.

most of the time i get really excited, i would kid myself that i need to sleep early so i wouldn't be late for an engagement or plans i have. i end up thinking about it so much that i wouldn't be able to sleep and i would just stay up all night till i need to do that thing i was thinking about.

right now, its already 1am and i have to be up by 3 to prepare myself and food im gonna eat for work. and because im scared that i wont wake up, i just decide to myself i would not sleep. i actually can do a week without sleep. i just hope i can do it today. im posting this blog just to burn some hours off my surfing the net. coz if i finish doing the usual things, i would really get bored and i would definitely feel tired and would just sleep. i can't predict if the alarm clock of my phone would wake my exhaustion or i would need a hard tug and push to wake me up.

i can really do a week without sleep but if do sleep. i sleep like a baby. everyone can attest to this. i talk when i sleep. i dont feel a thing when im in deep sleep. sometimes though when i set my mind to waking up at a certain time, i would not need an alarm clock to wake me up. my body would just know the time. but sometimes because of a really good sleep, i would not hear the alarm clock even if it sounds for a whole 30 minutes. my ears wont just listen to any sound because my mind thinks i need more sleep.

being part of a family that likes to sleep, i would not be surprised. we all would just rest our heads on apillow and the body would do the trick. it is nap time. but there are times when even hours of lying bed wouldn't do. couting sheeps, drinking hot cocoa or milk, reading a boring book (which by the way i dont own a single boring book), watching tv, or listening to mellow music. all these just doesn't work for me.

earless

can you imagine life without ears? i can...

life would be very peaceful and less complicated. because you don't have ears to hear things and it would be a little cheaper for your expenses because you don't have to buy cotton buds because you dont have ears to clean.if you are fighting with someone, you won't be able to hear what he or she is saying.

you don't need to think about other people's businesses because you dont hear what they're saying. you won't hear any intrigues, gossips and rumors starting and be part of the problem because you dont have ears. sounds that make you sad would not be there because for you, there is really no sound at all.

hearing a lot is a big problem. sometimes you can't keep everything to yourself and things keep getting bigger and bigger that you can't handle it all with both hands. you just drop everything and breakdown. these are things you can't control. these are what they call the problems you can't run from.

facing it? it would be hard but it would be worth it if you do. you can't run to alcohol, drugs and sex just to forget. you have to face your fears and live your life.

alcohol would let you forget for a night.

drugs would give you more problems.

sex would give you pleasure and pain. but without much protection, you might get a lifetime problem after it.

without hearing, people will have to "listen" (look at other people signing) to other people intently. everyone would understand each other and everyone would live happily ever after. but not really. but you can see the difference when you look at a group full of people who can talk or chat with each other and a group of deaf-mutes.

its a life that we would never know.

before i forget!

a shout out to my new friend geek! you are a super duper mega friend! i owe you big time! love lots! *hugs&kisses*

my dad called me a whore

i was told i shouldn't go out tonight. but i was already dressed and my mum insisted i go, so i did. i already fought with my dad over the phone about it. but because i still have respect for him, i would have stayed home if he says so.

i almost did. my mum got home and told me i can go, they're gonna drop me off and pick me up afterwards @ embassy.

it was a typical Lasalle party. IT SUCKED!

i was there, watched friends do a fashion show, listened to lame hosts talk about school and drink a lame vodka-sprite. for P200, it was all not worth it. i was with my friends, yes. i watched some guys strut their stuff, yes. I get to hang out one last time before i go to work, yes. i felt really happy about it, yes.

i didnt have money. i didnt have my own ride. i didnt have a date. WAH!!!

my friends couldn't get in because the bar was already full. i had to leave with them. we left fort and went to greenbelt where i thought i could have a nice long chat with friends and just chill. because i don't have money. we can't go inside absinth. we tried waiting for seats in crocs but there were to many people. until we found coupons from redbox that entitles us for a room and food. it was all so good until my family called me up and told me they were on their way to pick me up.

i wanted to go too. but i haven't even sang a song or even talked to my friends. i didn't even see anyone worth pursuing. ;) it was christmas chrissie kringle all over again.. i left my friends with kisses and a bill of my drink.

i got in the car and they were all quiet. my dad smelled the perfume i sprayed all over my body so he wouldn't smell the smoke and the alcohol i consumed tonight. i didnt like the smell of this perfume as well but it really hides any of my bad habits.

my dad opened all the windows until we got to our house. he was so pissed at me he called me a whore. he used the word puta which in Spanish means whore. i wasn't shocked. i had too much makeup, my top was off my shoulder already and when i got in the car my perfume was really awful and strong.

I wasn't really feeling any tear from my eyes. i was waiting for it. everytime i get to dissappoint my dad, i wold really feel sadness that i have made him angry or frustrated. but that was a long time ago. as i gotten older, i feel he is being a pain in the ass. he is treating me like a child that i feel choked aready from everything.

i felt anger and the heat inside my body is really rising. i was thinking of his fucking mistakes. did i ever do the right thing of not telling. i still feel i should but i couldn't. if only i was a bad daughter, i would've done it a million years ago. but i wasn't.

i may be a whore but i don't do anything to hurt other people. i am a good person. not like you!

i am hooked and i dont know if red is the color

ANNOUNCEMENT: I would start working March 19, 2007.

they were really good. they made me stay almost the whole day in their office and when the day ended, they offered me a job already. they gave me a day to think about it because i was still hesitant. the company doesn't want me to apply to other companies thats why. they are assured with this process that they wouldn't be compared to any other company, especially their rivals.

i signed with with them the following day. they fooled me. now that i have work, im thinking of ways i would be able to go there and go back home. bringing my own car would be very expensive. taking a cab would be too. commute is the only way.

welcome to the real world baby!