Sunday, March 22, 2009

Coffee Post

I keep thinking... why am I alone right this very minute? I'm not really a loner but it is always nice to find time alone with myself. But not all the time. I keep proving to myself that I'm just happier when I'm not.

Work has kept me to my feet but when work is over, I don't feel like going home coz home is too quiet even if I'm too tired, I get too bored. I don't have weekends off coz I always find ways to get me out of the house. Or ways to work on something. To earn more so I can spend more. (I think I'm like the girl in the green scarf). And of course I still want to continue on my purpose of working. To earn more, to save more for my own business.

All I can talk about is work. Theres nothing too special or extraordinary or spectacular or exciting that is happening to my life. I just pretend that it is so I would feel better when I'm having a hard time really.

So I'm reading this book and its actually taking me longer than usual to read it. Its not that its a boring book, im actually liking the way Paolo Coelho has written this one (The Witch of Portobello). It says in that book that extroverts are unhappier than introverts. They are putting too much effort in proving to themselves that they are happier people than the others. I can say im like that too. If you're an extrovert, and people know you to be too jolly, when a moment that you keep quiet they will notice that you are a bit sadder or lonelier than usual.

Isn't it sad that you have to prove to yourself that you are happy. When you can feel happy and contented with what you have. What if God has really planned for you to be alone right now. The two girls beside me are together studying for a PHYSIO (I guess its physiology). Then in front of me there are to people chatting away. Then beside them, the table is occupied by old Chinese dudes that are too noisy and has been sitting in the coffeeshop (The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf) for more than two hours. Just like me. But I am alone. I haven't talked to any real person except over the phone. I woke up my friend so I can talk to someone and amuse myself or just a little while

Now im blogging about the day and how I came to realize I have fewer friends than before. Fewer in a sense that they are leaving the country or busy or with other people. Time has been too fast, just a few years ago, we we're just hanging out together after class or between classes or before class. We're either eating, playing cards, drinking (coffee or alcohol even in the middle of the afternoon), or just sitting around. I miss those days. Whenever im bored, I would just go to the a spot where we always hang out and I would find someone there to chat with. Now, when im bored I have to text everyone I know and ask if they're busy. Now usually the ones I would like to hangout with are busier. And the people I don't have that much stuff in common with are free as a bird. I'm not saying that I don't like them but it is quite obvious for both of us that we would have too many silent moments or awkward pauses. Then I would end up mocking someone that would pass by (making me more evil than I am seconds before the pause). We would get back to talking because of a mockery that I would start. We have to start somewhere right. Then when all else fails or I have given my everything and vice-versa or just given up for that matter. I would talk about work (not really a boring job I have) but for other people who don't understand the whole thing would get bored. Or then the most talked about topic.


Why is this the most talked about topic? Is it really true that everyone can relate to love? I doubt it. There are conversations about love that I don't understand. I may be outspoken and but they're only opinions. They are not based on experience. A person without an experience on the matter doesn't have the right speak about it because they don't understand or have the slightest idea of the situation.

I wouldn't ask for advice from someone who hasn't experience a specific thing or a similar thing even if they are older than I am coz they are not knowledgeable enough to speak about it. As sometimes my friends would ask me about my opinion about something, they shouldn't listen to me. Im not telling them to leave their partners or cheat or whatever. Its just me. I'm not God that everyone should listen to me.

Can u imagine me turning barrels of water to wine? I would imagine myself turning wine into air. Haha I'll drink them all. Thats something everyone would picture me doing instead. Getting back on the subject, whatever the subject is.

I'm not saying im lonely coz I'm not. I'm just looking around and almost everyone is with someone. Nobody is alone. So in their eyes, I may be typing away here (looking too busy when im not), im a just alone.

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