i can't help but wonder how will ever be a DL when im naturally lazy.

school keeps getting better and better

i can't get enough of school. it's only the second week and i have experienced already everything i'm
expecting for the whole term. so this means that there will be more to come.

i chose an MWF schedule this term. all 18 units in one day and i'm still coping up. but everyday of the week i've
been very busy. my thesismates are coming over at my place to have meetings and to finalize our product.it has
really been hard but we can't do anything, it will be very hard for us if we don't do it properly. besides next
term, we wouldn't be having that much problem. This term will be the defense and if we are all good, we will pass
and continue next term for the practicum. (THREE MORE TERMS TO GO). im already excited to graduate. i want to get
this all over with.

But one of my worries is not being a DL just once for the three years of my stay in lasalle. i was very close to
getting that but unfortunately some teachers just hate my gutts. i have to be better this term. this may be the
easiest term i could ever have. and if ever i become dl this term, sana pwede ako ibili ni papa ng car. sobrang
kakatamad na kasi magcommute. i always go home late kasi rush hour and dismissal ko. eh sobrang kakapagod tlga.
eh if i have a car, it would be easier for me. to go home kaagad. i can go to different routes to avoid traffic
and it would be easier for me to bring a lot of stuff para i don't forget or leave things that i would be needing.
pero dahil commute lang ako, as much as possible i bring only my notebooks. sumasakit kasi ang likod ko in carrying
very heavy stuffs. my osteoporosis will get worse. eh sa upper back pa naman ang problem ko...

oh how i wish... i'm really doing my best. PROMISE!

i'm encouraged more ngayon kasi i don't know lots of people in some of my classes. so i really don't talk that much.
suddenly this urge of mine to copy everything. to have my notes complete. maybe that's the trick for me to get
higher grades. this term, i have realized yung influence sa kin ni jeanette pa (she's my thesismate, friend). she's
the only person who makes me run when i'm late na. and now that wala na sha to tell me i'm late for class na. i'm
always on time na. i try to be 20 minutes early. i could be waiting outside the classroom or just sitting down at
some bench until the bell rings for class.

i miss her na. pero maybe this is for the best.

i always write down my assignments and keep track of everything i need. jeanette does all this things for me. now,
i do all this things for myself. how nice one person can make a big difference sa kin.

first week: HELL WEEK
ENTRES quiz on the second meeting
reading assignments for LITERA
a lot of paper work again for ENTRES

second week: SLACK OFF
i absent myself to two classes already
ENTRES presentation - not really prepared
reading assignment LITERA - did not read
reading assignment RELS - did not read

a lot of things have been happening and i know there are still more to come. i wish i can pass of all this without
me having a breakdown. i insomniac already. i don't sleep and even sometimes i tell people i do. i really don't
but i feel that i do. i just lie down the bed and read books. holler people and talk them all morning just to have
someone to talk to. i don't even know if they're even listening. just as long as i'm doing something.

*sigh*

*sigh*

*sigh*

*sigh*

their summer not mine

april 2, 2005
Happy Graduation FIFI! sarap sarap ng food sa Dad's the Ultimate dinner buffet. we are getting ol.d coz around 11pm we we're all headed home. jl got sick so right after he messed powerbooks (with his bunnies) we all went home. we we're all tired even if we all wanted to stay outside, we can't do anything because we don't have a centavo to spend. we are all broke and we say we are all tired. also pam doesn't want to be seen out that much. because she's burnt herself all over.
i'm so inggit. i want to go to the beach. but i don't want to go to bora na. everybody is going there and i've already been there... somewhere in palawan or island hopping elsewhere would be nice.

april 3, 2005
we all stayed at home, felice and i continued our singing sessions. we are making some noise and i say noise because nobody can sleep with all the singing we do.

i was suppose to start reviewing for my finals but i didn't. i guess i have all the time in the world. i dont have classes anymore and i kinda know half of the exam. there wont be any problemo for me.

papers are due and that is my problem. ni ahve to finish it by tuesday and i haven't even started. our so-called marketing manager got to pick the easiest chapter when he's suppose to make our marketing plan.

for the paper... it is our thesis proposal. im already in my major years and i have grouped with the finest people. (that's what i think they are). i just hope we finish this and pass the defense next term so i could sleep soundly at night. not thinking of any paper we have to perfect.

i really want my summer to start. ramon, miggy, jl and felice are on their break already and i'm still in school. getting my ass kicked everyday with all the shit school has to offer.

summer!!! summer!!!

beach beach... it so hot i want to really feel it not in school but under the sun with some salt water and sand!

maundy monday

its been tiring today. my feet still hurts and i can't walk straight. the whole iw as having a hard time going up and down the stairs for class and after class.. walking around the school and people around me don't have any idea what pain i'm feeling.

so everytime my friends notice my limping, i would be telling the story all over again...

badminton fiasco
my mum, brothers and i went to celebrity sports club last saturday to play badminton. with almost an hour of playing. i got into an accident. and i dont know what happened next. the next thing i know is that my feet is aching and i don't know why. i just remember falling down not that hard but didn't realize i almost broken my ankle.

so tired of walking, i realize it's much tiring to just sit down.

after my last class, i went straight to agno to get the usb cable for my printer and plan to not stay and go home to my new pc. i haven't mentioned it , by the way last friday my dad bought me a new-oh-so-techy-cooly- personal-computer.

so after class i went straight to agno and to make the long story short i came home late... as always but there was a good reason now... when i was sitting in agno with reden and echo, these group of girls started questioning me. and as always, i was listening to my ipod, i was really paying attention to there questions and just gave answers to their questions. and next thing i knew this girl was sitting beside me and starting a very long almost 15-page survey about dunhill. i was just tiring. i was sitting their for almost an hour, just laughing. and i felt pain after staying there.

and i realized another thing. i do gic a lot. and i know a lot of them. i'm a walking gic stand.

around 700, i went home already. i was waiting for the lrt for 30 minutes already but still the trains are full and i can't go in. joel called me around 730 asking me where i am and guess what. i was still there. and when he got there... in his luck, a half full train came... and i got in with him. i was just pissed because the whole day for me is just tiring.. i just hope it wouldn't be like this tomorrow... i've been rolling my feet using a bottle to cure the sprain since i got in the house and i think it's doing better. i just hope...

my share of life

school has been the only thing that has been keeping me busy and its the only thing that i've been doing. if you can't find nowadays, the library is the place to be. and you would see me there burning my ass off...

something new right? its the time of the term that all of us are working hard... and this term i had my part of college life. i started majoring this term and i realized how hard it is to be sitting pretty at home when all of your mates are working their ass off.

now i'm feeling what they're feeling when i do the same. i see my friends do nothing and a few of us are the only ones doing the work.

i'm here in speedbytes (computer shop). for two weeks, my classes are upto 11am only and then i'm free. and today im just hangout before going home. i don't want to go out coz they're playing the CD of Alicia Keys. and they're right now playing Heartburn. and i dont care if people are looking at me. i feel like singing... i miss her so much.

when i'm doing stuff that really hurts my head, i just think of that night my cousin and i watched the concert and it has been the best night ever.. i want to remember how it was.

but i have to be researching right now. but i can't concentrate. it's the song. i feel like floating in the air.

and i guess i dont have more to say... if i ain't got you with me baby!!!!

im sooooo freakin' pissed!!!

it started when my first class was thru. i went to agno, the usual that i would be meeting kaycee. but it was shit coz when i got there kaycee was about to go. felt really shitty. i just can't seem to tell why. i was staying there for one whole hour and i see her again passing by with her NFF (new flag friends). but whatever coz i was with yot na.

yot and i was there and we were talking about anything lang. not just anything. the first thing that pops into our minds.. literally we weren't even talking sense. AT ALL. the whole conversation was (blah). and we were already laughing at each other. both of us are just plain weird.

i went to mcdo coz jeanette and other people were there. and i was just waiting for the group meeting for our project. i was getting pissed coz its been two hours and they can't make up their minds if we are going to have a meeting or not. so i forced to just stay in school and study inside the library. and in the end, only four of us was there to attend the meeting coz we can't everybody. and it was just to meet up and go to the supermarket and buy some stuff for the product.

i was really pissed. we should've finished this last week. if they could've listened to me when i was saying to them that a calamansi sanitizer is not a feasible product. but NOOOOO! they still wanted to go their way. they didn't look at the long term situation. and just now they acme to realize what we ahve been telling them. they should've listened to us in the first place. now that there are lots of stuff to do, we can't even make our palns straight.

the only thing that is making me happy right now is thank god i have jeanette in my group or else i would leaving the group and pursue a sole proprietor project.

she was telling yesterday that i should look at the bright side. we were already in the right track. at least now they would be listening to us. but still i feel the hassle side. we all want to do want each one wants and there is no cooperation. we don't even alot a time to meet coz we are busy doing something else. i just hate it. how will we survive the next 5 terms of our lives.

i have to control myself. i just i have to... coz IM SOOOOOOOOOO FREAKIN" PISSED!!!!

im having my BF...

you know what that is

a BITCH FIT!!!

there is still hope

its back to school from a one day holiday. damn it! lasalle is just shittin' us all. after the dreadful midterms week, we are back again. seeing what our hard's work have paid us. and it did... i passed naman pala accouting to my shock, i got a 2.0 midterm grade for the class.

coming back to school is just tiring. lots to be passed and to be accomplished. i just promised myself one thing. that i'm not going to cut classes from now on. i have to be focusing more on my studies (i have heard this before... ah... from me). even if it's a hard thing to do, i would be sacrificing. i have to maintain a grade point average of 2.0 for the next two years of my life in DLSU. we all can't do anything about it.

but there will always be my long breaks. i would really try my best to stay inside school and study for my classes. make the most out of the time we have left.

i can say that there is still hope for us all. especially for me. my type of person. the BUM!

just for me to bring out the best inside...

i failed the accouting test

i just hate it. i failed the accounting test.

i didn't sleep because i was studying for two tests i will be taking yesterday. i popped extra joss and red bull so that i would be awake but it wasnt really helpful. i just wished i just slacked off so i wont be feeling bad that i studied kinda hard for the test. the ENVSCAN test was okay. it was just a modified true or false type of test. the take home quiz is okay and quiet easy.

i even cut my MARKETI class so i could study for the test. it is just sad that i was so proud i could understand the test easily and i just placed 4 asterisk in the letters. and after all that i still failoed. i checked while i was in the LRT - 52 points. no point of checking it again because it is a sure fail. i was so pissed because their was still time to spare. iw as the first to stand up in the class because i want to catch the last train. and i have exactly 45 minutes in the alarm.

i was really pissed that i called my friend while in the LRT and ranted everything to him. i was almost crying coz i really wanted to pass. i wasn't aiming for a high grade but if given the opportunity, okay! but just to pass. but unfortunately its 18 more points before i "break even".

when the teacher told us that she will be giving the person who gets a perfect score in the exam a 4.0 in the final grade. and i was kinda hoping at first but when i started guessing i know that i will just pass it. but i didn't realize that i will be failing. i didn't expect that i would getting a 52... FIFTY TWO! not even close to the passing grade. NOT EVEN. x-(

officially missing you

right now. after all that's been happening. even if i was always irritated by him. im finally saying i miss him so much. now that i haven't been seeing him for a quite a while, i can say that my days are incomplete without seeing him or even annoying him. at times i want to hide from him because he will be getting my stuff and using it without even asking. i mean eat my food or get money from me. feeling that i am treating him.

our friends are there but he isn't. i can still feel his presence whenever i go to starbucks but without him here beside me, the memories of you are just coming back to me. i just cant help but cry at times. but i have to stop thinking about you becasue it will just be a waste of time because i know you're not thinking of me. maybe you're just saying that but when we are not talking you won't even remember me as a friend.

i dont get why i always have you in my mind. i have you in my heart and even when i sleep, in my dreams. everywhere i go, places we've been, parties we've crashed, bars we've trashed, and even the streets we've just passed by. i remember us. together.

but there will never be a future. i dont want it to ever happen. i think if it happens again, i will only get hurt. it's hard to even trust a person like you again. i trust you like a friend you have always been to me but i don't think i can ever give my whole heart. all our friends are always slapping me whenever they see i'm still sad. and they know that it is because of you. they say i'm so stupid to even think of the mere existence of you. that even if you have hurt me a million times, i am still loving you as a person you have been when i first met you.

it's as if last year was yesterday. it has been forever but the pain is still there. it's as if you were here a moment ago but now you're gone. we can't do anything about it. you told me you are going back. but please dont make me wait. i think i would be waiting if you say so. how about the life must go on. live the most out of it. enjoy life while you still can.

without you how will i enjoy or even live the most out of it, if there is a hole inside me. when you're not around, i feel a hollow portion within me. and that part of me is always aching. and i dont know what to do with it anymore. no medication helped. i even went to the doctor to check if it is only a bad body ache. but he told me it wasn't.

they all say so. and they all tell me to forget and move one. and the ache will go away sometime if do what they say. all the experts / professionals say so. but are there really specialists for this type of illness or sickness.

there is no maybe. it's you. it has always been and it will always be you.

can you help me figure it out?

can you even mend the pain?

if the wound is gone will the hole leave a scar? or

will it never end?

i'm officially missing you *****!

its all a blurrrrrrrrr

everything happened so fast.

october 16, 2004

happy birthday yot!!! it was yot's birthday. debut niya and iw as really excited and nervous din coz i haven't practiced that much for my performance. iw as really hoping i could go also to mikko's party but i can't ditch yot... kasi love ko tong person na to. pero people are expecting me to be there so i told forced my mum to let me go...

both party was awesome...

yot's party:
it happened in Patio Vitoria in Intramuros... i came there late and i thought i was but the party hasn't started. thank god i really wanted to see yot dance. so i got there unprepared and wasted as hell. haven't fixed myself. a total wreck!

got there and just enjoyed myself. a lot of iv-5 people were there and i was really shocked that one of my barkada was there and it has been a while since i last saw her.

we did some dancing, singing, shouting(ako lang pala). drinking and just having the time of my life... until i can't remember what happened. i sat down taking pictures in my phone. so i could remember that special night by...

mikko's party:
i got there all dressed up from the first party. DRUNK!!!! people are telling me stories of what i've been doing. i only passed by to say hello and goodbye to everybody coz my mum and bro was waiting for me outside.

i can't remember the party but i know i wanted to have a good time...

i did the problem was the memories of the second party was all a blurrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

a lot of people i dont know saw me drunk and a lot of them helped me out. as in kakahiya i dont even know therm i went there just to make a scandalous scene. hindi ko naman intention to be like that i just couldn't help myself pero i really want to thank all the people who were helping me. and those who laughed at me... kwentuhan niyo naman ako ng mga happenings coz i can't remember a thing about it.

i woke up the next day... walang hangover... asteeg i went to jogging as always. thank gopd someone gave me coffee to drink and according to people it was mikko's sister-in-law. ang bait niya. patch ata yung name niya well i couldn't remember talga... but my mum didn't even notice that i was drunk. isn't it funny iw as talking the whole time na sobrang wala na tlgang voice coming out of my mouth.

next time i'll let them take a video so i could see what i have been doing...

next time... later ulit... sino naman ang kasama ko...???

hahahaha

so that nothing will be blurrrr

CUT BACK!!!!

10:20-8:45pm

i was with kaycee the whole time and it was really fun. hehehe i feel like i can't get over the concert. the whole time i was talking to people i just can't help but slip little statements about the concert. it was the best ever. it was i think better than alanis'. but i love them both... next concert is NO DOUBT!

i'll be seeing you again alicia. maybe in new york or back here in manila

and jeremiah jamae... i love him. i love yoU!